The full explanation from the Twitter Blog:

It appears that for a number of years, a person has been creating torrent sites that require a login and password as well as creating forums set up for torrent site usage and then selling these purportedly well-crafted sites and forums to other people innocently looking to start a download site of their very own. However, these sites came with a little extra – security exploits and backdoors throughout the system. This person then waited for the forums and sites to get popular and then used those exploits to get access to the username, email address, and password of every person who had signed up. Additional exploits to gain admin root on forums that weren’t created by this person also appear to have been utilized; in some instances, the exploit involved redirecting attempts to access the forums to another site that would request log-in information. This information was then used to attempt to gain access to third party sites like Twitter.

It’s absolutely critical that people use at least different passwords for each site they visit, especially if the credibility of the site is in question (i.e. if the site was for warez or even for torrents as in this example.) A better practice is to have strong, different password for each site. Sometimes this is hard because each site has a different “rule set” for their passwords. Some site may require at least 2 symbols and 1 capital letter or some variation and things can get complicated and confusing very quickly.

I’m sure you’re thinking, “but Rachel, how am I supposed to remember all those stupid passwords? I’m not a computer!”

And then I say, “no problem, bucko, that’s where password managers come in!”

In an earlier post this week I was detailing a bug I had with 1Password. Well, that’s a password manager!

What’s a password manager?

A password manager is an application or service that uses a master password to encrypt a database of username/password combinations for web sites, services or other applications. On a Mac, it’s like Apple’s keychain. You type in your password whenever you log in to your Mac and magically all the passwords you saved in that keychain are available to your applications so you don’t need to type them in all the time.

My favorite password manager is 1Password but practically all password managers have similar functionality. Password managers have multiple purposes but I think the best are:

1. Ability to create a strong password for different sites. Most password managers have the function to generate a password for you so you don’t have to come up with a strong password on your own.
2. Create a password and then never enter it in manually again. Plugins for web browsers like FireFox and Safari make it so easy to click a button, enter your master password, and bang! You’re logged in. You’ll never have to remember an obscure password again. Of course, if you’re no where near your password manager and need that obscure password to log on to a site while at a public computer you’re a little screwed unless you have your password database automatically set up to sync with a service like Dropbox (and then you’re all set!)
3. A central, encrypted place for all your passwords. “Back in the day…” I remember I used to keep all my usernames/passwords on pieces of paper and up until recently my mother was keeping them on index cards on a rolodex. If you’re a sloppy pig and don’t know how to organize that stuff, you may end up misplacing that password and then you’re screwed. With

So now, for your consideration, the beginning of “Those Who Watched Over Us”

Prologue

We are faced with difficult decisions during our short life. Many times we are victims of circumstance and must deal with the emotional, physical and moral choices that we face in these situations. If we are lucky, we emerge victorious and wiser, ready to face the next distraction along the path we walk.

Our story begins on the star ship Melpomene, where a young student named Lucena of the Royal Space Academy stares out into the emptiness of space outside the Main Command’s window. The large generation ship wades through the silent vacuum of space that mirrors the echoing silence of the ship’s interior.

She wasn’t meant to be on the ship. She wasn’t meant to be alive at all. She had no notion of what was in store for her or the people of her world, but it did happen. It happened but a few, agonizing months before. Her, like many people of her generation, did not pay much attention to the world around them an instead focused on their own drama-filled lives. Who was going to make top rank? What was I going to wear to the annual Royal Academy Ball next week? What was going on with Bill and Jane that had everyone in the academy buzzing? If only she had stopped and spent an afternoon looking at the sky dotted with fluffy, misshapen clouds that she would never see again.

What was left now was a large star ship. People with fore-thought and some money had taken it upon themselves to fund a large scale project in the event that they would need evacuate their world and find another suitable planet to live on. About 15 years in the past, the first three ships carrying the King Father, brother to the King and first sister to the King departed on separate ships along with a few dignitaries and a range of other professions divided equally of varying genetic diversities. They left with little fan faire and it seemed the mass media had largely ignored, or were told to ignore, the disappearance of part of the population.

They had known more. However, it was too late. It was marketed as a space exploration good-will mission with a set destination that would only take a few thousand years to travel. A system of stasis chambers would allow the Royal Family and their passengers to sleep peacefully along their ride into the unknown and wake refreshed and rejuvenated when they arrived. Or so we were told.

Alerting the public would only cause mass hysteria and if that happened it was unlikely that anyone would make it out alive. In order to allow our species to thrive, sacrifices had to be made, plans had to be thought out, secrets would have to be kept.

All that aside, what we were left with now was a population of individuals inside a tin can floating through space towards a destination they had never heard of. Leaving behind a way of life, family, a sense of security and the humdrum boringness of the day-to-day duties. It almost made studying and test taking and training a treat and delight just to know what would be coming next.

Lucena was unprepared for this. Some days she wondered if she could have just been happier staying on her world when the last ship left instead of stepping inside. At least there she could have held her mother’s hand for one last time. Instead, she wondered if there was anything left of her mother to think back on.

Chapter 1

Captain Drud Aarit was a seasoned pilot of the Royal Space Fleet and was always prepared. Every night he would crease his bed sheets and lay his perfectly folded uniform on his simple, yet practical dresser. It was sensible to pick him for this job and the Royal Academy trained him well. He among twenty-seven other pilots were chosen to undergo training and psychological preparation to pilot the generation ships that would ultimately find their destination on a similar planet light years away from their home.

Ever the perfectionist, Drud studied the material and asked questions, perhaps too many questions, but it was not like him to go into a situation ill-prepared for what may happen. They were briefed on how to fly the star machines, how to launch into hyper space, how to control the stasis capsules so that a rotation of three crews could man the ship for the time needed to get to the final destination. They would be the ones who waited, the guardians of their people.

Their psychological conditioning took the form of what was to be expected while they traveled the emptiness of space. They were assured that plenty of entertainment would be available to them as well as a wide variety of simulation rooms if they missed home. Family would most likely not be joining them on this trip, but would be following as soon as technology allowed them to transport more people in a quicker span of time. Their jobs were merely to get the ball rolling on a new and exciting opportunity for the race.

“What is the greatest achievement in your life?” he was asked.

“To be a part of the greatest military the world has ever known, of course,” he responded.

“Of course,” the administrator replied, “do you see yourself becoming more than just a pilot?”

“I will do as my nation calls me to do.”

“Very well, what about a family?”

He paused, being unattached at the moment and disconnected from his mother for quite some time, he answered, “It is not in the cards for me. I am what people call, “a loner.”

“I’ll be blunt with your Drud, this isn’t an easy task. We’re basically asking you to take a ship out into open space; full of people you have no emotional connection to, and safely deliver it and them in one piece to an entirely different world. There is no saying that you would make it there alive let alone get the star ship off the ground.”

“I am aware, sir. I have practically nothing to lose.”

The administrator shuffled his papers. “Drud, we have everything to lose if this doesn’t work out.”

Now he stood facing darkness through the thick pane of glass separating him and nothing. Any weaker man might break down and shed a tear for the billions of people left behind or for the unknown that lay ahead of him. However, for Drud there was a sense of calm that came over him shortly after the star ship launched out of the atmosphere and left the world below. After the passengers had found their way to their stasis chambers, his mind was at rest. Something he had normally not found before. There was always a rebellion to quell, a princess to protect, or a law to upkeep. This time, it was just he, and he was not quite sure how to deal with this newfound feeling.

Drud walked the interior of the Main Command and stared at the many books that lined its walls. “Blueprints of Star Ship Melpomene.” “Heating System Specifications.” “Medical Wing Specifications.” “Distress Signal Manual.” “Using the Star Ship’s Navigational System.”

There were also a magnitude of videos he could load and watch, encompassing the entire movie history of his planet. He saw they even included some of his most favorite B-rated films he secretly adored since his childhood.

He had found that as the captain of the star ship, he had little responsibility compared to his previous jobs. The ship practically flew itself towards the final destination but had to be monitored for its life support system, fuel consumption, and among other things, its movements in and our of hyperspace.

The Melpomene was the most advance of the nine star ships that departed the home world and the last. Drud had been instructed that it would most likely catch up to the other six star ships (with the two other star ships that roughly left around the same time) within a thousand years. At that time, they would be in contact with the other ships and would be able to share the advances that they had developed within the time period after the first star ships had left and then make their way equally to the new home world.

“One thousand years,” he thought. Luckily enough for him, he would switch off with one of the other pilots in ten years and then sleep for twenty. He would wake up from his dream feeling renewed, he was promised; ready to command the star ship for an additional ten years.

As he thought this, it was the first time he ever felt powerless.

“Sir?” a voice shot through the emptiness of the cabin and shattered the defining silence.

Drud, caught of guard shook his head and blinked a couple times as if adjusting to new light.

“Did I disrupt you, Captain Aarit?” Siany, the second in command for the medical team responded a second time. She stood in the door way standing up straight in a cleanly pressed white uniform with the medical decal over her left breast. A concerned look was painted over her darkly shaded face and her dark, ebony eyes cut into Drud deep to the core.

“Um, no, no problem here Siany. What can I do for you?”

“The unidentified female passenger has woken up. Did you want to speak with her now?”

“I suppose this would be as good as a time as any.”

Chapter 2

It was a dream. It had to be.

Lucena stared out of the hallway in the Royal Library of the castle where she had been interning that summer. Something was going on. Outside she could see the smoke rising from the dry land below. If the castle was not safe, it seemed nobody was.

The fire brigade was unable to keep the flames at bay that had been building up for the past six months. The land was too dry. No rain had fallen in almost a year. And even before that rain had become so sparse. The once rainy season of her childhood memory had never come. The flowers of a spring rain never bloomed. The food she was so accustomed to eating never was planted and the water she had taken for granted flowed away from wherever she was.

It was horrible to say she was one of the lucky ones. She had been picked out of the entire academy to be one of the students allowed to live in the royal palace an intern as a royal page and assistant to the Queen. It was supposed to teach them responsibility and get them up close to the action and groom them for their future careers in the military.

But now, as she stared into the hallway, frozen, at the running people and the crying children, nothing from the academy could prepare her for this.

“Move, out of my way! I will have you killed for this. Now, MOVE!”

A wrinkled woman who looked ancient pushed aside the frantic crowded and headed toward where Lucena stood. She was covered in some of the most expensive cloths and walked with a sense of deservingness, seemingly oblivious to the emotion around her. Lucena recognized the woman as the Queen’s mid-wife, the woman who had delivered and raised over three generations of queens and kings and was now working on the fourth.

Lucena had caught the ruthless woman’s eye and it was too late for her to duck back into the room away from Obal’s withering hand.

“You, Page!” she commanded of Lucena. “Come with me now!” Obal grabbed Lucena by the jacket and even though quite advanced in her age, was able to drag the young intern down the hallway into the nursery.

“What is your name?” Obal spat.

“Uh?”

“Quickly, can’t you see that we haven’t much time? Now, WHAT, is your name?”

“Lucena.”

“I see we are using one work answers here. Now, stop me if I’m moving to fast for you, sweetheart.” She dragged Lucena to the back of the room where a stack of suitcases and a bassinet were kept. “I need you to follow me with my luggage as I carry the young princess to the star ship.”

Still confused, Lucena blankly stared at the old woman’s grey, furrowed brow and was in awe of the multitude of creases stemming from her crooked eyes before Obal snapped her thin, boney fingers in her face waking her up to the situation.

“Did you hear me or should I get a more competent individual to do this menial task?”

“I’m fine, Ms. Obal.”

“You better be. Get a move on, I need to get on first and get prepared.”

Obal led Lucena down the hallway and through the frantic individuals that continued to holler down the corridors and panic over the tragedy that was befalling the castle. Papers littered the floors and suitcases ripped open as women tried to stuff them back together with items they had pilfered through in the various rooms.

Outside, Lucena could hear the emergency broadcasting system blaring the warning system with a pre-recorded message repeating “A fire emergency has been detected on the compound. Please exit the compound in a calm and orderly fashion and report to your pre-planned safety zone to await further instructions. Thank you.” If order was meant to be followed, the plan had surely backfired.

Up and down corridors the trio weaved. The luggage Lucena was instructed to carry grew heavier with each turn, and then eventually with each step. Only the boost of adrenalin kept her moving, well that an a poke to the eye with Obal’s ugly, old fingers.

“Keep moving, Lucena, we’re almost there!”

The baby princess was crying constantly through the whole ordeal, Lucena was almost able to ignore it with the other noise and distraction around her but they soon found themselves in an untraveled part of the castle.

“Not many people know this. Come, sweetheart, just a bit more to go.”

The small corridor opened to the back of the castle where the flight mats were stationed for travel. Today, Lucena looked up and saw three mighty star ships of a size she could not comprehend. The wind outside generated by the turbines on the star ships was horrible and she could barely stand straight. Unbelievably, Obal seemed to stand quite firm on her feet, what was it that this woman was on that made her this unwavering machine?

“Over here!” Obal called to Lucena. The trio walked towards the first ship. On the side of the ship in bright blue lettering, Lucena could make out the name “Melpomene” as well as her nation’s royal flag.

“Melpomene, I wonder what that means,” Lucena muttered to herself.

At the base of the Melpomene was a crowd of people pushing to be let on. A large man in an official Royal Space uniform tried to beat them back with his muscular arms. “You need to show your pass before I can let you on. If you did not reserve a spot, you cannot come on! Now step away!”

Mothers with children held their infants up and wailed to let their daughter live. “Please, just take her with you!” they cried.

It was not until this moment that Lucena began to grasp the gravity of the situation. Most of these people would not be getting out of here. Was this really the end?

Obal’s bags started to weigh Lucena down and she shifted her weight from one foot to the other and tried to rotate her shoulders to keep them from fatiguing but it seemed nothing helped. What was this woman bringing with her that was so important?

The three of them stood in front of the crowd of people for what seemed like forever, staring at the monstrous structure of steel and glass in front of them. Lucena wondered exactly how many people could fit on it.

And through this whole time, it only flashed in her head now – “What am I going to do?”

It was at that moment that Obal cleared her throat and hunched back on her ancient, but strangely sturdy legs and began to launch herself forward through the unending crowd of people blocking the ramp entrance to the star ship.

Crying woman after woman they passed dressed in smoke covered rags with soot stained faces. The smell of despair and sweat hung low and thick in the air as they trudged forward. Somehow the acceptance of defeat passed over the crowd and parted to allow Lucena, Opal and the infant princess through to the boardwalk.

There stood a monstrous man with his arms crossed watching over his men pushing back the crowd. His head was held high but and obvious weight was upon his shoulders as he was the gatekeeper to the only chance of survival. His long brimmed hat rode low over his brow and cast a dark shadow over his face from the blistering and dying sun that shone overhead. It was difficult to see the expression in his eyes, but as the trio trudged closer, Lucena could see a man who had seen a lot in his life of war, pain, suffering, but nothing could have prepared him for what was on display for him this day, and especially what was in store to come.

Lucena could hear Obal begin to grunt and mumble obscenities under her breath as she moved closer and closer to the edge of the wailing crowd. The space between people was not as large here and Lucena could hardly breathe as she poked Obal’s luggage in and out of crevices to try and move herself and the bags through the tight crowd.

Those at the head of the crowd were most interested in saving themselves. The terror in their eyes spoke volumes. Once confident and arrogant men only interested in money and politics now were facing their fate at the gate to their only chance at salvation. Where once the men used their power, money and sex to propagate themselves …

When I started working at my new job, I wanted to import all of my logins in case I needed them at work. I quickly found that working at a credit card company meant there were a lot of limitations to what you were and were not allowed to do. One of these things was that I couldn’t log in to Dropbox (where I keep my encrypted 1Password keychain for syncing across machines) and the second was that you needed to go through a proxy server in order to access anything on the internet.

The Dropbox I could live without, I would just have to manually sync my keychain every once in a while for passwords I might reset. The proxy thing was a problem though.

Every time I opened FireFox or Safari meant I had to authenticate against the proxy server.  In FireFox this was especially a problem because every time I opened FireFox with tabs already open from a previous session, FireFox would prompt for my proxy password for each tab that was open to an external web site. This meant almost a “ba-jillion” window prompts.

1Password keeps track of passwords based on the domain, but because it was a proxy password, depending on what page it was trying to load, the “domain” 1Password would “pick up” was usually the wrong one. Obviously, I didn’t want to have to enter my proxy password manually every time (why would I have the password manager in the first place then?!)

The work around for this is to open up 1Password, create the entry for your proxy server username/password and where it says “Display: Always” there is an additional entry at the end of the drop-down that says “Show in Every HTTP Auth Prompt.” That’s the golden ticket!

Now, when you open FireFox, (warning: it still opens up a million authentication windows but you only have to fill out one) in the 1Password dropdown to fill out the prompt you will see your proxy option. You may have to refresh the pages if it didn’t pop up the auth prompts in order but that was an acceptable price to pay for me to have both 1Password and FireFox.

A “gotcha” to watch out for is in Safari. I noticed that if I reset my browser settings (like, everything blown away, settings, cookies, etc) it lost the proxy server authentication. What you have to do is disable 1Password as a plugin in Safari and restart Safari. A single prompt should pop up asking you for your proxy username and password and will ask you if you want to save it to your keychain. Click the box and submit. When you enable 1Password as a plugin again you should be golden and won’t have to input your proxy password ever again.

I hope this helps someone out there that had the same problem! Took me a good week or so to get everything running smoothly.

This is all nice and dandy because of Ruby on Rail’s ActiveResource that’s built right in. The tricky part comes in with testing. At American Express Publishing in our web development department, we’re really big into Test Driven Development (TDD) and Behavioral Driven Development (BDD). There are tools out there already made to do TDD and BDD for Ruby on Rails, Rspec and Cucumber, respectively. These tools work great when using ActiveRecord but since we don’t utilize a database, Rspec and Cucumber have a hard time working with ActiveResource and mocking service data.

This is where Dupe comes in. My co-worker Matt Parker came up with a ruby gem to mock service calls for use within Cucumber and Rspec so that we can write the appropriate tests for our code. With Dupe, you can write expected service returns and run tests against them. For the initial pages we’ve written we’ve only needed GET requests. When I started cuking and spec’ing some of the flat pages on Food and Wine we found that there was a (probably underused) polls section of the site that we needed to pull over. Because it needs user input to add to the poll, we would need to add a way for Dupe to mock POST requests.

This is the first time I’ve really programmed a gem let alone worked on someone else’s. I’ve spent a lot of time today researching HTTP requests and GETs, POSTs, PUTs and DELETEs. I also looked up the difference between blocks, lambdas and procs and found this neat, well-written blog post about them that helped straighten me out.

I’m still figuring out the appropriate way to set all this up but hopefully I can update the blog with a success story by tomorrow!

I really kinda hate it when people make up these weird “awareness” weeks like “National Wear Your Pants on Your Head Day” or “Foot Growth Awareness Week.” I mean, yeah, I see your growth and I am VERY aware of it, THANK YOU.

I think the only “National [blah blah] Day” I was ever excited for was “National No Pants Day” and that was because I hate winter and along with pants I hate wearing shoes and by May it’s usually warm enough to put on sandals too. And no, before you ask, I was no one to run around in my skivvies, it would just give me an excuse to wear shorts.

I digress. If you feel the need to be aware of or celebrate your procrastination, then by all means, please celebrate your holiday. I on the other hand will continue to be less procrastinative (“uh, I don’t think that’s a word, Rachel!”) and continue to use the Pomodoro Technique, but that discussion is for another blog post at a later time.

Corollary: After reviewing some comments on this post, I failed to mention my affinity for “International Talk Like a Pirate Day.” How could I have forgotten this? It’s on my fricken birthday. I have then come to the conclusion that I am fine with “National Whatever” days but if I have to be “aware” for any extended time, I go batty. I can only take my insanity in small, bite-sized pieces.

What?! When did this start happening?

Then with the recent update I noticed that this weird CSS bug kept showing up around my right side panel’s boxes that made the content huge and was majorly pissing me off. After some muddling around in the code, playing with the CSS myself and checking out DigitalNature’s support, I decided to cut my losses and discovered that DigitalNature recently released a new theme called “Mystique” that was just gorgeous. And now it’s applied here! I especially like the build-in widgets for Twitter and blog-specific stats on the side. Now, if only they had a widget for Tumblr too and then I would be set with my social media feeds!

Testing, 1.. 2.. 3! Ta-da, my dummy image.

That’s where the Dynamic Dummy Image Generator comes in!

Sometimes you just need a placeholder image right at your finger tips. Just enter the width + x + height at the end of this URL and off you go!

Example: http://dummyimage.com/640×480

You can either generate one and right click + save as or just hotlink it right into whatever page you want to design. It would probably be nicer if you just downloaded the script yourself though so you don’t kill the poor guy’s server.

And I’ll do it right now, let’s hope this works!

It’s so stupidly simple, how come I didn’t think of this already? I think it would have been awesome to have this when I was working on some design projects in the past.

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don’t.
(2) If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That’s why they call it ‘fur’-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don’t speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
(1) eat less,
(2) don’t ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don’t smoke or drink,
(7) don’t want to wear your clothes,
(8) don’t have to buy the latest fashions,
(9) don’t need a gazillion dollars for college and
(10) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children …

With it being so damn cold this winter, the thing about the bed hits close to home since Izzie has taken up jumping on the bed to sleep with me again. She, of course, demands the prime position on the bed, usually at the foot of the bed on MY side or crawls on to my lap to sleep. The other night we got into a growling match because I picked her up and moved her to the other side of the bed so I could stretch out. Um, dog! Who do you think gives you your food? It doesn’t just appear out of nowhere!

Tonight I spent $12 to buy two beggars on the street food. I’ve never done that before. What on Earth would possess me to do that?

Before I answer that question, I’ll preface it with some explanation.

I lived in downtown-”ish” Boston for the better part of 5 years while I studied for my undergraduate degree. While walking to and from different places (some say you can get to anywhere in Boston by walking in about 15 minutes) you tend to meet some interesting people. Especially around the liquor store right on the edge of campus which also happened to be right next to a half-way house (yes, that sounds like a very good idea to me!) Over the years I’ve perfected the “don’t look at them in the eye and just move on” or the “bluff” and say “no, I don’t have any change I can spare” even though you know you could probably spare some coin but justify it with “I’m a poor college student.”

And you know what, I don’t blame anyone who thinks that way because more often than not I think that way. What do you suppose beggars use their money for? Booze? Drugs? Sex? Probably all three at one time or another. So why should someone just give money to a beggar when they don’t know what that money is going to be used for?

I’ve thought about giving money to the homeless or even volunteering my time to help others. I’ve just never seemed to be at that point in my life where I was able to branch out and stop worrying about myself and be able to share or even give to another person. A lot of times growing up I was either too self-absorbed or just had too much going on in my life to even consider being able to help someone else when my life needed so much help.

When I moved out to New York last year, I had a job, I had a place to live and I was by myself for the most part (save for Izzie always being around and the times Adam stopped on by.) I was someone “jealous” that Adam was able to volunteer his own time to become an EMT and be able to legitimately go out and save someone’s life on a nightly basis (and all this with a full-time day job, no less!) What could lil’ ol’ me do on the week nights to stave the boredom? I had thought about going to a Human Society shelter and volunteering there a few nights a week but it turns out even shelters close for the evenings at around 4, that doesn’t work for someone who worked in a Start-up environment. The feeling of charity eventually subsided and crawled back into the abyss which is my soul to fester – *cough* I mean hibernate, and I had nearly forgotten about my desire to “give back.”

Fast forward to last night. I’ve been unemployed for almost 3 months now as I wait for my new job to start next week. I’m standing in the oral hygiene isle at CVS down the street from my apartment because I’ve seemed to run out of toothpaste although I swear I bought two tubes the last time I was out (I always seem to be running out of toothpaste, my Adam has it as a snack?) Since I’ve been unemployed for 3 months, money was getting a little tight. I had to ask my mother that same day to lend me some money so I could pay February’s rent since my job got pushed back yet another week (damn bureaucracy!) The toothpaste cost $5.99. I contemplated about getting two tubes but decided not, “that’s $16! I don’t have enough for that!” As I walked to the register with my toothpaste in hand, I spent a couple minutes looking at the Valentine’s candy that was on display and picked out a bag of “fun-size” Kit-Kats (thinking about Adam, who loves the things) and heart-shaped York Peppermint Patties because I hadn’t had them in a really long time. I paid and then went home.

After chomping on a few Kit-Kats since I was starving and waiting for dinner to be done, I happened to look at the receipt that I shoved in the bag. It cost just as much for me to buy that damn candy than it would have been for me to buy that other tube of toothpaste. Ugh. Why was it okay for me to spend it on an obsession (chocolate) rather than something hygienic (toothpaste?)

I began to think about all the “things” in my life that I wanted. I had realized that over the past few months as I was looking for a job I had begun making lists of “things” I wanted to be able to afford after I started making money again. New wheels for my car to replace the ones that were stolen, a new iMac so I could have more computing power for the things I wanted to do, even a doggy seat belt for Izzie because it would make my life easier just to hook her up to that than lug around her obtuse kennel around on day trips. I began to felt guilty for my desire for “things” that I had developed rather than enriching experiences in my life.

I told you that story to tell you this one.

Tonight I was waiting for my train from White Plains into Grad Central. As I walked on to the platform, a middle-aged man who looked and acted like he may have been slightly mentally disabled asked me for a dollar. I lied and said I didn’t have any cash on me. I sat down and watched as he walked on down and asked someone else for change. Instead of what I had said earlier, he said “Where are you going? Are you going to buy a ticket with it?” and instead the guy said, “no I wanted to by food.” I couldn’t really hear the end of the conversation but it ended with the beggar hitting the elevator button to go downstairs. There is